The worst feeling is when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to act like you don’t care at all.
Rollercoaster of emotions
I feel like an idiot texting him. My emotions felt safer when I thought he left. Now that he’s told me he’s still here and lives a town over. Thanking me for helping him become a better person. Wanting to see me before he actually leaves. I miss him more than ever.
Uggggggh, why did I do that?! Why am I am in dire need to seek closure?! Why can’t I let go?! My emotions is on this never ending roller coaster and all I want to do is get off. I thought I was able to move past all this. The pain he’s caused me still lingers.
Did I give up too soon the second time around we got back “together”?! I saw that he was trying to change But, it wasn’t enough. I hadn’t fully forgiven him. I feared that he would hurt me again. That incident caused the demise of us. It reenforced my fear. It put everything in perspective. We were back together but not in a committed relationship. I felt like he didn’t try to convince me other wise. I’ve never cried so hard in front of someone before. At that time I wanted him to understand the extent of how much he’s hurt me. How I opened my heart to him, let him into my life, family, friends. How I gave him my all only to have received unrequited love. At that time I couldn’t articulate how I felt. Just tears….
My self confidence deteriorated, my heart still in pieces. Breaking up the second time hurts just as much as the first. Thoughts of “what ifs” flood my mind. Feelings of loneliness, anger, frustration consumes me. They say it will take time but you’ll get over it…. I want it to be over now. This ride of emotions is making me ill. Some days I feel at my best, others much like today I feel completely and utter pain. Wanting to Isolate myself from the world by running away, escape this reality… What do I do?